I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
