peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
