im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
