i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
