you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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