You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
