I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
