got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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