I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
NoShamevember. You game?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
