the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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