How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
