I bet he comes in French.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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