remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
