Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
