We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
