I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
