I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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