dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
