he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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