she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
