then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
