I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
