John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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