Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
