be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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