Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
