hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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