I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
