We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
