I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Randomize
