you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
