dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
