I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
