i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I FOUND THE LEGS
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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