you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
