Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
