i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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