Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
