dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
