just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
