Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
