I met the friendliest cop last night
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
