Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
