wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
