I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
