Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
