Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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