Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
