I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
