I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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