I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize