he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize