if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
