i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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