She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
