Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
