what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
