Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
