If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
