his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize