can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
