I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
