also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize