Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
