Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
