If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
