If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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