omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
