I am spending my child support on dildos
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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