So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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