Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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