that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
