If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
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If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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