I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
